Drove my brother Bob to hospital. At the entry point were two adjacent lanes, one full with two cars, a van and an ambulance. I entered the empty lane and helped Bob from the car onto the pavement. This took approximately one and a half minutes, as I was getting back into the car, I heard a clearly disturbed person screech “Oi you! You can’t park there!”.
This person, daytime: car park attendant, evenings: studying for a master’s degree in English (which dare I say isn’t going too well). Our conversation was enlightening where, it soon became clear, I was being a very naughty boy. That’s set the scene, so, moving on to our ‘little chat’.
Me: “We have never met before, so I accept and forgive you for not knowing that ‘Oi you!’ Is not my given name, however with your command of the English language, you must be aware of the contradiction in terminology. You are saying that I can’t park here, yet both of us can clearly see that is exactly where I have parked. That said, may I humbly suggest in future, for your opening gambit try, “Hello" and then, "You’re not supposed to park there”.
Instead of settling for an honourable draw, he responded, “These spaces are for Emergency vehicles only”.
Me: “Most of us can read, so in order to achieve this may I suggest a sign to that effect would be just the job”.
Then, BANG! Knockout blow delivered: Him, “It was damaged yesterday but will be back up tomorrow”!!
I know a double six (dominoes) when I see one, so immediately offered sincere and profuse apologies for not reading the sign that wasn’t there. As my old headmaster would say, “Jack you really must try harder next time”.
